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Let’s look at the book “The Argument Hangover” by Jocelyn Freeman and Aaron Freeman.
It’s all about how to have more productive and healthy arguments with the people in your life. Many of us have learned unhealthy communication patterns from our families and society.
And they can lead to “argument hangovers”.
These are feelings of resentment, frustration, and disconnection that linger after a disagreement.
It’s important to focus on understanding the other person’s perspective and feelings. Rather than trying to win the argument. Or prove yourself right.
It’s helpful to use “I” statements.
For example, “I feel hurt when you talk to me that way.
Rather than “you” statements.
For example, “You always do this”, which can come across as blaming or attacking.
It’s also important to take a break if things are getting heated.
Rather than continuing to argue when emotions are running high.
With these in mind, let me provide some situations and actionable solutions for each of the areas of our lives.
When you’re discussing a work-related issue with a colleague or boss.
It can be easy to get caught up in trying to prove yourself right. But this can actually hinder your ability to effectively collaborate and find a solution.
Next time you find yourself in a work-related argument, try to focus on understanding the other person’s perspective and feelings. Ask questions to gain a better understanding of where they’re coming from. Use “I” statements to express how you feel.
For example, “I don’t understand. Enlighten me, please?”
When we’re trying to grow and improve as a person, it’s common to get defensive when someone points out a flaw or area where we need to work on.
But this defensiveness can prevent us from making progress.
Next time someone gives you constructive feedback, try to take a step back and see it as an opportunity for growth. Instead of getting defensive, use “I” statements. Express how you feel and ask questions to gain a better understanding of the other person’s perspective.
For example, “How can I improve this?”
When we’re discussing health-related issues.
Either with our loved ones or healthcare professionals. It can be easy to get caught up in trying to prove ourselves right. Or convince the other person to see things our way.
Next time you discuss a health-related issue, try to focus on understanding their perspective and feelings. Ask questions to gain a better understanding of where they’re coming from, and use “I” statements to express how you feel.
For example, “Do I have any other options?”
In our relationships.
It’s common to get caught up in trying to prove ourselves right. Or convince the other person to see things our way. But this can lead to feelings of resentment and disconnection.
Next time you’re in a disagreement with your partner, try to focus on understanding their perspective and feelings. Ask questions to gain a better understanding of where they’re coming from, and use “I” statements to express how you feel.
For example, “How can I fix this? What can I do?”
If things are getting heated, take a break and come back to the conversation when emotions have cooled down.
When we’re discussing issues that affect our overall quality of life, such as finances or living arrangements.
It can be easy to get caught up in trying to convince someone we’re right. Another way to solve this is to be more mindful of our emotions and reactions to situations.
By understanding why we feel the way we do, we can take steps to change our reactions and avoid unnecessary arguments.
So, take a few minutes each day to reflect on our emotions and feelings.
Ask yourself:
What emotions am I feeling right now?
Why am I feeling this way?
What can I do to change my reactions?
Overcome conflict and communicate smarter in every area of life.
The Argument Hangover: Empowering Couples to Fight Smarter and Overcome Communication Pitfalls by Jocelyn Freeman and Aaron Freeman
Teaches you to communicate more effectively, reducing conflict and improving relationships in their personal and professional lives. Through practical techniques and real-life examples, the book shows how to communicate smarter, not harder, leading to improved health, career success, and overall quality of life. Whether you’re struggling with difficult conversations at work or at home, this book offers a roadmap to more productive and fulfilling relationships.